‘I saw two shooting stars last night, I wished on them but they were only satellites, It’s wrong to wish on space hardware, I wish, I wish, I wish you’d care.’ from New England by Billy Bragg
Life changing. Events in our lives that change us for the good. Or for the bad. The moments that shape us, that make us or break us. The start of a conversation or the time when the talking stops. The job we always wanted or cannot wait to leave. The dream come true, the wish upon a star, the if only and the might have been. How has your life changed and how would you change your life?
Most people’s lives consist of things they have control over, and things they wish they had more control over. Here’s what I mean:
What, would you say has been the best thing that ever happened to you?
What has been the worst?
What is the one thing you would never change?
What is the thing you want to change more than anything?
What is your greatest hope?
What is your worst fear?
We can end up living our lives on parallel tracks. So regret walks hand in hand with contentment, love with mistrust, encouragement with despair, sickness with health. Do you know that there is no direct opposite of the word bereft? Bereft is the word we use to describe someone who has lost something they can never regain, like a child or the hope of a child, like a lover or the hope of a lover, like a parent or the hope of a parent. Like a friend…
Life changing. The moments that shape us, that make us or break us. The things we can change and the things we cannot. I’m walking both tracks at the moment, I have been for many years. But you know what? I am trying to remember that there are some things I can change. I can start with a pen and paper, I can write stuff down, I can make plans, I can find new ways of looking at things, I can learn, I can persevere, I can pray.
There may be times when you feel like a lamb caught in the mouth of a lion. But that’s the time to stop struggling, because the struggling makes it worse. The agitation, anxiety, terror and frenzy do not drive our foes away. If anything, they make it worse. I am not saying that we should give up, walk away or accept defeat. What I am saying is that if it’s not working, take a deep breath, take a step back and look at the picture again.
I keep thinking back to the Serenity Prayer, a prayer written in the 1940s (surely a prayer for the time considering the world was on the verge of war, the like of which had never been seen):
‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can change, And wisdom to know the difference.’ Rienhold Niebuhr
Serenity: peace of mind, patience and stillness. Courage: fearlessness, determination and endurance. Wisdom: clear thinking, discernment and reason. Not flailing our fists blindly at the sky but like the calm after the storm.
‘This magnificent butterfly finds a little heap of dirt and sits still on it; but man will never on his heap of mud keep still.’ Joseph Conrad
I am not saying that we should give up, walk away or accept defeat. What I am saying is that if it’s not working, let’s take a deep breath, take a step back and look at the picture again. We might find that the answer has been waiting for us all along.
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